11:36am
ME:
“We’re finally here! Back at the store two hundred miles away where they sell tons of slippers—It’s about time!! Slippers, they’re the BEST and my old ones are so worn out and slippers, they're my faaavorite luxury!! Can't wait for new slippers!!!!” 😃😃😁
12:14pm
ME:
"Finally chose my new slippers!! These are AWESOME slippers!! They are black like my old ones—best slipper color, hands down!!
Yeah, the embroidery around the foot-hole is kinda boho for me, but these are only 34 bucks, which is 30 bucks less than my old slippers! Plus, these ones are so, so, so, so comfy—I am PSYCHED about my new slippers!!!!!!"
6:23pm
DAUGHTER:
"Oh, are those your new slippers?"
ME:
"Yeah!"
DAUGHTER:
"Oh, you got like, UGG knockoffs."
(Shows me Uggs website.)
6:24pm
ME:
"Oh."
DAUGHTER:
"Yeah."
6:25pm
ME:
"Well … well I don’t care!
I am BEYOND labels: I have an imitation Stanley and that is like, not a big deal to me at all…"
6:26pm
ME:
"……………"
6:27pm
ME:
"But then like, a Stanley is just a water bottle and these are SHOES."
6:28pm
ME:
"……………"
6:30pm
🌀🌀🌀🌀
6:33pm
🥵
6:45pm
"I mean ... these slippers are okay. They're like, *okay* slippers, I think. They might be a little tacky, though; I wonder if they look cheap.”
6:46pm
“Actually, I really like these slippers!”
6:50pm
“… But what if somebody sees me outside of the house in my new house slippers??”
2:02am
“You know what, maybe I can purchase a fake leather UGG tag off the internet and then glue it onto my slippers.”
2:04am
”Actually, that’s ridiculous. I could just donate these slippers and get NEW slippers.”
_____________________________________________
Epilogue:
I did not get new slippers.
My slippers are, in fact, excellent slippers.
Also, when I put them on, I don’t wince even a little from internalized materialism that makes me feel inadequate for having knockoff slippers!!
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